lc23tina's Diaryland Diary

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*Just Not Tired, So I Am Going To Write*

*Rambling On* and on and on and on..........

This is probably going to be a longgggggg entry.

(Marcy's Husband is Jefferson, thank god for the net!)

I have so much to say and I'm not tired...So get ready to be bored!

I made my rounds in the GB's before I came in here to write my entry.

I was thinking...I just kind of made myself a part of this whole group and I am not sure if I belong...I kind of stumbled on to all of you wonderful people thru Kor...(thank you Kor) I don't think I "need" to be included...What am I trying to say? I guess I just don't want people to think they have to talk to me...do you think that? I just sign in your guestbooks to say that I think you are all "GREAT" people...

Did that make any sense what so ever?

Not Sure.

Whew...

So yeah on to my day...

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I went and got groceries...that was a mad trip...I don't get it...I am a female and I really hate shopping...I really hate grocery shopping...it's like a mad house in the grocery store...

I just needed some things...it wasnt suposed to be an all day affair...but it was packed...if there was air to breath in there the person in front of me at every turn was stealing it. I finally made it to the check out...felling like Al and Peg bundy when they are fighting with Marcy and her husband (for some reason I am drawing a blank) when they fight in the grocery store to be the ones who win the $1000 in free food...I love that episode...Ok so anywho...I am at the check out bagging my groceries and a woman comes and tramples me into the side of the check out...that cuts my legs and on top of that it hurt like hell...I was pissed...Have you ever heard of buggy rage...I wanted to ram my cart so far up her ass...needless to say...I was glad to get out of there.

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Ok now on my way home...We have to stop for a train...Oh what JOY...The jeep in front of us didn't make a good stop...the arm of the railroad thing was sitting on the roof bar...Ok I was scared cause the train was about 50 feet away...not far at all...she flings the thing into reverse...and then into drive and makes it to the other side...*someone was on her side* I was like holy fuck I am going to see someone get killed by a train...the things that flew into my head...as I stared there...I didn't know if I should jump out of the car and pull her out...what if she was scared and froze in a panic...I felt so helpless...and yet I was so scared all I could do was think...I couldn't move...what if she was freaked and the train hit her...Could I have been the one to save her?...that was such an eye opener...it was unreal...I thought about it all day from that moment forward...all those what if's...I hate those...

I have had so many what if's in my life...

--What if: I would have checked on my Uncle Bert sooner, would he be alive today?

--What if: I waited for Glen at the bus stop that day he was killed, would it be diffrent today?

--What if: I was a better daughter would my father still have left?

So many what if's...and there will never be an answer...

I hate not knowing...it's like a ghost that haunts you.

When you are asleep and when you are awake...there is no escaping it...

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I talked to Craig tonight...We didn't talk for long...just catching up on the days events basically...nothing exciting to report from Illinois...

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I had my sister (Barb) over for dinner...I made pork chops, macaroni salad, corn and we had buns...for dessert....YUMMY strawberries with whipped cream...I love cooking...I hate shopping for the things I cook...LOL...We played cards...girls against the guys...We won 4 of the 4 games we played...We kicked @$$...

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Mr. Clean didn't drop by and I didn't get around to doing all the things I wanted to...so I am going to have to bust my butt tomorrow morning and get stuff done...Or tonight I feel like I have energy to burn...

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Mr. Right didn't show up either...my door was open all day...LOL (no more Mr. Right things after this) I SWEAR...YOU MUST BE GETTING SICK OF IT!

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I think I am done here...

My only advice...

Try not to have what if's...

Try to find love and passion in someone and something...

What I write is what I feel...

This is my space for what I believe...

This is my space for me...

I love you all my great friends...

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James arrives tomorrow...i hope the weekend fairs well...(I hope the weather co-operates)

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Good night...

Please forgive if I don't write over the weekend...but you can believe if I get some time...or I need some time to get away...I will be here.

Love Ya.

-Tina-