lc23tina's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- *Swimming And Rambling* *Swimming at Mom's* That was fun...had a great time there...but right now I am in A BAD MOOD. It seems that things that are important to me, are not important to the people I care most about...James!!!!!...still waiting for him to come in here and take a look...what seems to be the problem with that..too busy every single day...IMPOSSIBLE!!!!! So right now I am saying FUCK IT, thats right FUCK IT ALL... Thank you too all the people that actually care about that come in here everyday and see whats up, the ones that can find 10 seconds to just come and say hello to me here...I am just pissed! But I love ya, don't get me wrong, but it is not always so easy to just get all the stuff I want to say to you there, ask anyone...you have better luck coming in here and seeing how my day was, 'cause getting stuff out of me is sometimes like pulling teeth...and another thing, every emotion I feel goes down here, you may think it is funny or weird, but I am better at writing than talking. Ok back to my night at Mom's...Brad came with, he said that he felt a bit akward after "the thing" and now having to be around the people that had the upmost respect for him, he dosent feel like a part of the family anymore...I feel bad for him too, it has to be strange not feeling the same way as he once did...he may not think too much of the way all people were affected by "the thing", but it hurts me the most, seeing the people that I hold the dearest to my heart not feel like they belong, that is just the way I am...he knows that no matter what happens I love him, shit he has been a part of my life for over three years, that is not something the heart or the mind lets you forget...but tonight there was a different feel, we sat on the couch after swimming and chatted for a bit and we did agree that it is time to start, pulling away from eachother a bit, I dont know why, but I feel like it may be holding us back from the things we need to get done in life...no matter what I wish him the best and I will always be there for you, you know that...with all the things that have happened, I could never turn and walk away, you will forever be in my heart, and I can only hope I meant enough to you to have the same. But other than that the water was 80 degrees, but it felt so damn cold...nipples in full effect there...yikes momma...pointing at you, and you and you...LMAO...We played a few water games, you know "monkey in the middle" that was fun as hell...have to crack up... Other than the blast I had at Mom's I had a good whole day, well except for right now...but hey, did I expect it to be good the "WHOLE" day, this is my life I keep forgetting that...I cant ever have a good day, something frigs it up. My cats still look exhausted...just like their Mom I guess, I am pooped, but my mind is running rampid. I think I am going to get to bed early but not likely...who knows... ~James...you dont even know what you miss, if you dont come in here, a large peice of my life and heart comes in here with me every single day...it may not be the best thing to read, but it is all me, and therefore it makes sense for you to read...I like you as a friend and let me tell you, friends mean A LOT!!!!! to me, but I think you could have that one figured out since I never shut up about them...AND~ my poems go here, you would never get a chance to read them without this site (THANKS DIARYLAND, LOVE YA) This is where I go to find my mind during the day, it gets me thinking and evaulating all thats done in my day, the thoughts and emotions I am having right then. This is my heart...My soul, My all... This is me... That's how I work... I am going to write more later I think...or just tomorrow...I guess I will just have to see where the night takes me. Love you all ~James ~Brad thanks for being the two most important friends in my life...love you both from the bottom of my heart to all my other friends and fans of my diary...THANKS I am outta here. -Tina- 11:09 p.m. - 2001-06-10 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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