lc23tina's Diaryland Diary

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*To Top It All Off*

*To top it all off*

I have been in a real bad mood today.

I have been very snappy at people.

To top things off I wrote this huge entry and got some stuff off my chest and this damned computer went dead.

Well not the computer itself but my internet went funky and the whole thing shut down.

I was pissed.

I don't usually have days like this, It's usually just me sitting around feeling sorry for myself or something.

Today it went much deeper than that...I have never felt so angry in all my life...And now I just feel bad about it.

It kind of feels like the whole world just up and left me. I have no one I can really talk to who will actually gives two fucks. My family has this whole ignore Tina thing going on, and my friends seem to be too far away to even know what's been happening, and to tell you the truth I am not even sure if they care.

I don't want to be here, I don't think I want to be me either.

I look at myself and see nothing that is actually worth while, I have this overwhelming feeling of waste over my head all the time.

I look at my life and wonder what the hell my purpose is to even exsist.

I am not sure if this is a breaking point or if I am just losing my mind all together.

I think I have entered depression.

God, did I just say that?

Yes, I guess I did.

Do I think I am a fool?

Yes, I do.

I think I need to get away, sounds funny coming from a 23 year old I am sure. But I really think I need time to just find me again.

Somewhere in this whole mess of life I think I lost myself...I use to be so happy and carefree, now I feel like I am tied up and being force fed life.

I am not sure if that is the whole thing with "growing up"?

I need answers, but I don't know where to get them, if there are any.

Sounds so trivial right...

I think I am done here before someone makes a call to the mental institution on my behalf.

Good Night

-Tina-