lc23tina's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- *I Haven't Been Writing Too Much...* I've noticed that I have had the lack of entries the past little while. It's not because I have had nothing to write about, it's just my brain has been elsewhere. I've been thinking a lot, sorting through things discovering myself. Trying to make good decisions for me. Did you see that... FOR ME. I'm feeling better than ever. Slowly I am coming around to people, trying not to get too freaked out. Big move, taking baby steps. Things here have been so good, I am getting out of the house on a regular basis, I really have John to thank for that, he keeps my ass out there. It's all good. I've never had a friend who wanted to hang with me, just hang for the sake of hanging, no point required, just someone to talk to and do things with. It's wonderful how much we are doing for eachother. Many people have said "just go for him". I would, honestly, but with everything I am trying to let surface, right now is the wrong time. I jumped with so many things before, good instance...Jay. Not like he was a bad choice, but... Something wasn't right, and really I didn't lose what I thought I did, I gained a friend who I still confide in, he makes me laugh, we joke around...But I was wrong with assuming that I needed or wanted something that wasn't there, I guess it was that whole fear of being left...ALONE. I hate that thought, and sometimes it consumes me, I think for something I have done, or something I didn't do that I will be alone for the rest of my life. I won't be. I can't be. Just not something that I plan on letting happen. For a long time I think I just made some bad decisions, and this time I am taking the "grown up" approach to things and I am going to let fate do what it has to do. No need to rush. There is just no need to let myself get "HURT" again. Although somethings you just can't avoid. I am working on cracking this thick shell. But I still need to be here. Other than all this stuff coming into play things have been great. John is great. My other friends are great, and I am so glad I have each and everyone of them. Today Mom and I went to bingo, we won some dough, so I went and bought some hair dye...it's...DIFFERENT, kind of red, with some plumb highlights, everyone loves it, I am still getting use to it. When I got home Wanda said that John called but she was sleeping, so I called him and left a message, I was in the middle of dying my head when he called so I called him back when I was done. We made plans to get together for coffee tonight, at the time I had no idea that what we did was on the agenda. I was in the shower when he showed up, I got ready, gave him his card I bought (LMAO) and then we hit the road. At the end of the drive way I asked if he ate dinner yet, that was negative, so I said let's go to Windsor and grab a bite to eat. We got chinese (take out)...I went to the store and bought a candle and we took our food down to peace fountain and ate our dinner by candle light at the river. It was a really nice time. Then we took a walk along the water. After that we went to Timmy's and grabbed some coffee for us and my sis, her hubby and my cousin Shelly, got a box of donuts, then headed over there. Lena and Bradley were at Scouts tonight so we waited for them to come home, we scared them but good (crouched down beside the porch and screamed). It was good fun. We stayed there for a bit and then decided to come home. We chilled here for a bit before he left for work. John and I are going to pick up Lena on Friday and take her for the night, going to Pizza Hut (I think) and then who knows from there. I told her to pick something... Well that's been it for the night... I'm outta here. -Tina- 11:22 p.m. - 2001-10-29 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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