lc23tina's Diaryland Diary

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*I Took A Step Towards My Mom...And Falling In Love*

I am so happy that I wrote yesterday's entry. Because today--

Today has been the most amazing day for me. Me and my mother made such a connection, and on top of that I fell in love.

Mom woke me up early this morning, I snickered a bit at first. I returned a phone call and then I did something that I don't normally do. I took a step closer to her. I seen that she was sitting at the kitchen table alone, Albert was still sleeping and Wanda was in the city at a union meeting, so I walked out into the kitchen and I sat across from her and I talked to her, I told her things that I never thought I would let her in on. Things that I have been scared to tell her in fear that she would think I was a whacko. What suprised me is she had just as much to talk about, things that were on her mind. We sat at the kitchen table for a good 2 hours, crying and holding eachother's hands. Then she asked me if she could read my poems...I hesitated, because I never let anyone read my personal poems, I have ones that I share and the other I put in a book that will only be shared with the man I love. But I let her read them, I handed the book to her praying that she would not judge me because of what or how I write, my only request was not to comment on them, she was allowed to read to her hearts content as long as she agreed to it.

I watched her as she read them, how she would hold up her eyes at me when she flipped to the next page, I was nervous, so very nervous.

In the middle of her reading she looked like she wanted to say something to me but then contined reading. When she was done she passed my book back to me grabbing for my hand and she gave it a little bit of a squeeze. I smiled and went into my room and put the book back into my desk drawer. Sat down on my chair and I shed a bit of a tear. Later in the day she came in here and watched over me while I played euchre and she leaned into me and told me that what she had read was beautiful, then she walked out.

I spent the whole day with a smile on my face.

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I also got an e-mail from John.

~~Thanks for the e-mail, You almost brought tears to my eyes. I definatally want to be by your side for December and believe me I am gonna be ready for the long haul with it. I would love to be by your side. I know it might not be easy for you but I will do my damnedest to help you out. But remember if you want some time alone just say so. But don't make it to long. I think at this time you need someone by your side and I would like it to me be. I LOVE YOU way to much to let you try to handle it on your own. Also like you told me that I didn't have to worry about you running, Well the same applies to me. I do not plan on running and I know I won't run. Please don't be scared to talk to me about anything. My ears are always open to you. Well thats all I am gonna say for now but I will talk to you later.

Loves, Hugs & Kisses;

John~~

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He came over tonight, I invited him over for dinner. We watched t.v. and chatted a bit, just sitting on the couch staring into the t.v. only letting our eyes rest during the comericals when we found eachother hugging and kissin...(insert gag here)

We talked about everything that I wrote about, was a bit shy to say anything drastic...But I did tell him how I felt. And just like the e-mail he re-assured me that he was going to be here for me.

I fell in love.

Another thing too. I let him look at me, without the constant repitition of saying "WHAT ARE YOU LOOKING AT", I said it a few times when I felt a bit insecure about myself but for the most part I let him just look, and I looked back.

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I had one hell of a fine day.

Oh and I got to watch Dawson's Creek. I cried at the end, felt like a dork for doing so. I just told John if he seen tears it was because my eyes were watering, not because I am a total sap when it comes to things like these.

Was a good episode. Need to watch it next week for sure.

~~Note to self and John. Remember to give John back the CD he left in my computer~~

I think, not sure, but John suggested that he picks me up in the morning to go spend the day with him, and then going to lunch with him and his brother. If we do that then it means my ass better stay up all night so I can sleep with John while he sleeps.

But tonight I am so tired, I don't know if I can make it till the morning, I will try but I cannot promise anything.

Make it a pj day, I love those.

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Well I think it's time for me to do something...

Oh wait I have some things I wanted to post here that I recieved in a e-mail today.

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No man/woman is worth your tears and the only one who is, will never make you cry. If you love someone, put their name in a circle, instead of a heart, because hearts can break, but circles go on forever.

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Everyone hears what you say. Friends listen to what you say. Best friends listen to what you don't say.

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If all my friends were to jump off a bridge, I wouldn't jump with them, I'd be at the bottom to catch them.

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"Don't frown, because you never know who's falling in love with your smile!"

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"If you judge people, you have no time to love them"

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"Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a harder battle."

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It takes a minute to have a crush on someone, an hour to like someone, and a day to love someone- but it takes a lifetime to forget someone."

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"Enthusiasm is contagious. You could start an epidemic!"

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Well nighty night people.

I've been making it a point to write really long entries latley. Hope y'all don't mind sitting through all this.

If you do...Thanks.

-Tina-

(Big thanks to Ginger and *S* for the advice, it was appricated, BIG TIME)

12:03 p.m. - 2001-11-08

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