lc23tina's Diaryland Diary

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*The Key To A Good Relationship Is COMMUNICATION*

The key to a good realationship is...Communication

If you do not understand your partner it can mean...hell. Or headache. Either one is not a pleasant thing to go through.

I had a bit of hell and a huge headache.

John called me when he woke up, we talked a bit, the converstaion like always was going good. Until...I said something to my sister (we were playing cards when John called) which I really didn't want to repeat. John seemed to get a little nervous over the fact that I wouldn't repeat myself. (This is only a small part of it). Now so you can understand this, I will explain a bit.

John and I are both scared to say or do the wrong thing. So many times we will say something, then re-think what we have said...then like the boneheads we are, we hide behind our words and try to change the subject as quickly as possible (just the way we are).

So I made a comment about masterbating with peanut oil...(just being funny) and then I said "better not use peanut oil, because one of my boyfriends have a peanut allergy". (I swear it was just a joke).

But...John and I have joked about me having more than him as a boyfriend, example: boyfriend 24...But really...I have no other than him, we both know that.

So, John gets a little baffled about what I said and did not want to repeat, and I thought that he was paranoid about me having some other boyfriend (communication loss #1). On the phone he said "I love you" and my reply was "ok". But not because I don't love him, but because Wanda was right there in front of me, and my family has a way of ripping on me...(making barf sounds...ect...). He took it like I was hesitant on telling him that I love him (communication loss #2).

After a bit of an awkward silence on the phone, I asked him what time he was leaivng for work. He said about 10:30. He asked if there was anything wrong, and I said not really. I told him that I would call him back after I was done playing cards with Wanda. (communication loss #3). He thought there was something major that I needed to talk to him about, when really I just wanted to talk to him again before he went to work. We hung up the phone, and Wanda and I started playing cards again. A few minutes later the phone rings and it was John. I thought he asked if I would rather talk on the phone or in person, because he wanted to talk to me about something. I was freaked, I'll admit it, I thought he was coming here to break up with me. (I always think the worse, because that's usually what happens). So I said that I would rather him speak to me in person. I've already been dumped over the phone, I like to keep a variety going. (communication loss #4).

He said that he would be over soon. I sat at the table and looked at Wanda and said "help me, he is going to break up with me and I don't want to be mad, angry or let him see my cry". We practiced her saying "Tina, I want to break up" and I practiced "ok, thank you, bye-bye". That was going to be my exiting words...

He got here, we came into my room to talk and realized that...We are both IDIOTS. Lack of communication...A bit of misunderstanding = UGH!

We talked about many things, just some things that have been a bit difficult for the both of us. Only because it's hard to shake the past and not think of your girlfriend or boyfriend as an ex, or even compare the two. Once you have been burned, there is a scar.

We kissed and made up. :)

I also came to realize something tonight. All I have ever wanted is to be understood. Accepted for being who I am, and have someone who cares about what I need. And now I have someone that does all of that and more, I am scared of it. I don't know how to react to it. I am just right royally fucked in my mellon!

Finally someone who dosen't want to give up on me. And I just sit here expecting him to. Is that even right? or healthy?

I wish life were easy.

I wish john were here right now, 'cause...making up is the best part.

How do you let someone love you?

Well enough of that, it's bad enough I miss him like crazy. And to think tonight we weren't supposed to see eachother :)

I had a pretty boring day. I started to hang the "curtains" (which are blue sheets) up in the window's in here. I watched a bunch of movies. Untamed heart: That movie made my ass cry...so bad. Sister act: always loved that movie. Housesitter: I like Goldie Hawn and Steve Martin. Meet the parents: Seen it in the theater, and wanted to see it again, and...I am in the middle of watching Pretty woman. It was just one of those days to lounge about and watch movies with a box of kleenex.

Wanda wants to go out for dinner, Friday or Saturday. Not sure what the palns are for the weekend for sure. I know John and I are going over to Barb's on Friday to visit the kids, but from there on in, I have no clue. John said that he wanted to make some panzerotti's :) Wooooooooo I love panzerotti's...and I have had the biggest craving for pizza. Mmmmmmmmm PIZZA *drools*

Well this entry became real long, real fast.

I am outta here.

Nighty night.

-Tina-

P.s. I love you with all my heart and soul pumpkin :)

12:52 a.m. - 2001-12-06

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