lc23tina's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- *It's Gotta Be Monday* It's gotta be Monday to feel this...BLAH. It's been a little while since I've had the whole blah feeling take over my entire body. I jsut don't feel good today. I'm sure it's just a phase I'm going through with my birthday just around the corner and then I get bombed with Christmas. Or it's just because, no reason, no purpose, no nothing...That's the way it was planned. I really hate not having a real reason to feel this way, it kind of annoys me, really. It feels like a jack-in-the-box. You turn that damn crank forever until something spits out the top of the box...all of a sudden that stupid box has a purpose. I must still be turning the crank, because I have no purpose. Could be anything. Might be the fact that Mom and I are not seeing eye to eye again, but what's new? Same old routine with her. Seems she is nice one minute and then ready to tear off my head and piss down my neck the next minute. It's not like I don't try to kiss ass. I know I should be thankful that I am 23 years old living rent free in my Mom's house without a job, or a leg to stand on. I do appricate it, I really do, despite my constant bitching in my diary. But it's not like I wouldn't do it for any one of my family members. Enough of that, I don't care why I feel this way, I just want it to stop. If I have to fake a smile I will. Maybe if I can fool one person into thinking I am happy, I might be able to fool myself. Might also be the lack of nicotine and caffine to my body...Wait, I'm downing the remains of the Coke that John bought, so it must be lack of nicotine...or sex, wait...just nicotine :) Went into Essex tonight with John, we went to visit his Dad, but he wasn't home. He was pulling into the parking lot as we were walking to the car. John stopped and talked to him for a few minutes and then we went to visit Bill (Mom's ex-boyfriend). Bill has always been like a Dad to me. We stayed there about an hour, chatting and such. Then we came back here. John left about 10:30. I came into the house and sat on my bed for a few minutes wondering waht to do. Wanda is working tonight and everyone else was in bed by the time I got home... Not too sure when John will be coming over again. Maybe tomorrow if I'm lucky... Countdown Shelly's Birthday= tomorrow (December 11th) My Birthday= 6 days Santa Claus Parade= 5 days Christmas= 15 days... Time till I lose my sanity= ..........(it's already gone). Nighty-night. -Tina- 10:49 p.m. - 2001-12-10 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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