lc23tina's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- *Little Bit Of Everything* But I like it" I wanted to write last night, but...as much as I sat in front of this computer, words would not flow. I was stummped on what to write. This does not happen often at all. It seemed like yesterday I could not shake that feeling. It's been with me for days now, still here today. And more than likely going to be here tomorrow. Colliding I'm not minding the pain" Last night I had one hell of a time. I had to do something that I never wish to do ever again in my life. I had to make myself puke. I know this is not the most interesting thing in the world to read...But I was feeling awful. I mean I have never in my entire life felt like that. My head was pounding and my stomache was feeling really bad, like I had to throw up... So...after thinking long and hard I went into the washroom and crammed my fingers down my throat about a dozen times before the gag reflex actually took effect and I hurled my guts out. Believe it or not I felt much better after. Although...one I started...I couldn't stop... I found myself on the bathroom floor, crying my eyes out because my throat was killing me. I was going to wake up my Mom, but...I didn't. I NEVER WANT TO GO THROUGH THAT AGAIN! All my bones and joints are sore" These past few days have been rough. I don't know what's up with my whole body. Late at night my legs hurt. They cramp up... My sleeping has been nothing but shit, and I've had pain to my right side below the ribs...Maybe I should see a doctor? But I am a bull headed person. I hate QUACKS! And before I go...I'd have to be almost dead or highly sedated. I've been down here before Lost myself and so much more Find my way out of the game again" I finally talked to Wanda today. You see things have moved back to the same old routine here in my house. No one was talking to me, or when they did they were reminding me that I don't fit in...So to save myself all the shit, I would keep to myself, stay out of people's hair, stay in my room and watch movies or read...Only to go in the house to relieve my bladder and eat...or leave with John. Just like always" I went upstairs because the van was gone, I wanted to see who was home. I went into Albert's bedroom, he was gone...My Mom was gone...So I opened Wanda's door and she was there. I thought she was sleeping so I closed her door, but she rolled over and told me to come in. So I sat on her bed and we talked for a good long time. She thought that I wasn't talking to anyone because I was mad at all of them, but I explained how I felt... We hung out for the day. Did some stuff on her computer...talked... Felt good. Loaded trapeze What you need the most from me is yours" So far...it's been a decent day. I wonder when we'll be getting snow. I hope we have some for Christmas...But I doubt it. It's not to often we actually have snow on Christmas... In 1994 it was warm enough on Christmas to play basketball at the park with shorts and t-shirts... Or maybe I never knew I can't stay here anymore Give it all or you're on your own" COUNTDOWN 4 days= My 24th Birthday 3 days= Santa Claus Parade 13 days= Christmas All my bones and joints are sore Find my way out of the wreck again I've been down here before Lost myself and so much more Find my way out of the game again" I think I am done here now...Johnny should be getting up soon :) I will leave you I will leave you I will leave you" *Song: Finger Eleven- Bones and Joints* See Ya! -Tina- 3:13 p.m. - 2001-12-12 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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