lc23tina's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Just some rambles I feel like Rainbow Bright on crack again. I just couldn't stand the leaves anymore, they were kind of annoying.I think I fixed the problem with the "half" entries showing up, but who knows. Sometimes I think this diary does weird things just to piss me off. It always seems to happen on the days that I am in those "touchy moods". Yes; I am in a touchy mood. I just don't know about some things. I am not even sure I should be writing this because I know that John does read my diary. But I need to get some things off my chest, I would talk to my Mother but she is gone to bingo. Besides...I don't think I would talk to her even if she were here, at least not about "this". Okay, you have to understand that I don't know if I am mad about this, I am hurt by it so please don't think I am the turbo bitch girlfriend... Rob is John's best friend. They have been best friends for a long time and I understand that, and I am happy that they are close. When I work Tuesday night they usually make plans to go for coffee or just hang out, which was just started recently (not like they have been doing it for years or anything). For the past two weeks Rob was in South/North Carolina (can't remember which one) visiting his brother (I think). Instead of Rob and John going out and doing something John just hung out with me. When Rob returned home, John called him from my place. They were talking...blah, blah, blah...I wasn't really listening. Somewhere in the conversation it was mentioned that "I had to be bored the past two weeks". John saying that to Rob. When I heard that I felt bad. I felt really bad. My company is only good enough until Rob is around, and when he's not around I am just boring? John swears he didn't mean it "that way". But what way was I supposed to take that? But, yes there is another but...The whole time John and I have been together Rob has never went out of his way to spend time with John. I don't know, maybe I am over reacting, but I know how I feel and I do feel hurt by what he said. no matter which way he meant it. Today at work John asked if he could go to Rob's and I had mentioned about me being the "bore" and he said "Will you fucking stop with that?". I am not allowed to talk about my feeling and I am not supposed to feel something when someone tells me not to? I just got so fusterated. After very little words on my part I let him go so I could finish my work. Shortly after I called him back, the whole time I was on the phone I questioned why I called back. I know that sounds stupid but I was upset. I called my Mom after I got off the phone to go home for a bit before I went back to work for Auto Market. I had a nice time at home, I wrote an entry, played a few games and ate a salad. Roy (bindery supervisor) called me shortly before 8 to go in and run. John called from Rob's place, but I couldn't get to the phone. I was on blade set up tonight and I just couldn't leave the machine. I guess it was a good thing after all because I had a headache and I was in a pissy mood. I sure as hell didn't want to say something I would have regreted later. I did discover something in the mist of my mood. I work a lot faster when I am in a pissed. Now John if you are reading this don't freak out, I will talk to you later. I just needed my space and my time to just let things out. On to another topic... I did some apartment searches today. Wanda and I are looking into renting a place for the first of December. That should give me enough time to come up with first and last months rent. When I finally get my credit situation cleared up (thank you fuck head Brad) I can apply for a loan. That will be a big help too. I think I better get into my bed soon...Considering I do have to work tomorrow. Not until about 2... 2:00 a.m. - 2002-10-10 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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