lc23tina's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- I need a hug. Here I am. Snot faced with tears running down my cheeks, dripping to my chin and then falling to the desk below. I hate nights alone. I think too much, that's my problem. I think way too much. I can't believe that at least two times out of the week something reminds me of my baby. Then the tears come. Things should be getting better, and there not. I think I'm sick in the head somedays. Damn as much as I hate to say this but I wish there were days that I could just forget for a minute, or pretend nothing has happend. I get so angry anymore. I've never been this hostile. I just don't want to control my rage, I don't, I want to scream and punch and just go completly batty. I just want someone to cry with me. I want someone to look me in the face and fucking lie to me, tell me that I'm not insane, tell me that everything is fine. It's all a lie and I want to hear it. I am sick and tired of dealing with this. It hurts. I get so fusterated, and mad that I make myself sick, I vomit because I get myself so worked up. I need a hug. Then I need to scream. I hope tomorrow is better. I dread going to the memorial. If I start to cry, I don't think I will be able to stop. I just really needed to vent. Before my head exploded. 1:36 a.m. - 11.04.03 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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