lc23tina's Diaryland Diary

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Picutes and a FEW RANTS.

I've added some new pictures of Aime on my homepage.

I still can't upload them on my diary until my super gold account is active again. Which could take a few years...I'm still WAITING to hear something from diaryland on WHY my account suddenly fell off the face of the earth when I know I paid for a YEARS worth of service...I have the MasterCard bill right in front of me. GRRR!

And to think, I promised myself I wouldn't get bitter.

Ohhhh...riiiiight.

Links to the pictures...

Aime 1

Aime 2

Aime 3

*There are only a few pics on each page for faster loading times...I don't want ya thinkin' I've got 18 million pics (yet)...

In other news...
John and I celebrated our 3-year anniversary on the first of November. Today is 2 years that we've been engaged...

Ever get to a point where maybe you start thinking that things aren't going how you had seen them going, or even how you planned?
Is what�s going on between John and I normal for a couple that just had their first child?

Honest to God, I never seen myself saying this but, I don't know if John and I are going to last.

I swear there is something inside of him that changed overnight or it was there all along and I just never had enough light to see it.
Heres the deal.
As of late it seems like he does not trust a single word I say. If he does not have concrete facts right in front of him then I get pinned as a liar (whether he means it or not, it feels like it)
He takes total advantage of me. Like I'm supposed to pick up after him 24/7, know where he puts his crap and make sure his little world is clean and undisturbed.
Then he just doesn�t appreciate anything I do for him. He could honestly care less if I go out of my way for him. Like he EXPECTS me to do it so he doesn�t have to appreciate it.
He controls all the money like I don't deserve any, even my OWN money.
When it comes to helping out with the baby...HA
I might as well say that�s something he just takes for granted that I will do...Day in and out.
Last night I found myself sitting on the couch feeding Aime talking to him and telling him my feelings. This is why: He spent more time on the computer and jerking around than with Aime, then he was too tired to even give a flying fuck about his family so he went to bed...I told him that he didn't even offer to help unless I asked him to do something. My thought: I just should have fucked myself because it seems like I do everything else BY MYSELF. It's not even healthy to think like that. But jeeze I've just been so worn thin this past month and really, he doesn't help unless someone holds his hand and GRRRRR it's pissing me off.
Would you believe there is more? But I just don't have the time to rant about my goofball of a fianc�e right now. There's laundry to be folded, a room that needs to be cleaned and a baby to look after.

All I gotta say - He better smarten up. Or...

Fuck.

I love him.

Things would be much easier if I hated him.

10:26 a.m. - 11.05.04

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