lc23tina's Diaryland Diary

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Guess what.

Today is Tuesday July 31st, 2001.

That means--

I MOVE IN TOMORROW!!

So today I will be finishing up here, packing up the linen closet I forgot about, it would have been funny taking a shower and not having a towel to dry off with--or sheets for the bed--or my table cloth's.

I will be getting my bed over there sometimes today, well you could probably say I move in tonight, I have to sleep there so I am there at the butt crack of dawn tomorow when cable and MSNI come.

I talked to Jay last night, we are going out tonight. Don't have a clue what we will be doing but I am sure it will be fun.

I want to say sorry to anyone who seen the previous message. But I feel now like I am going to be constantly on survalliance.

I don't write in here to make people feel sorry for me, and I sure don't write in her to make my Mom upset. I have always done my best for her. She is all I have somedays, and she has never, not once turned her back to me.

When my JackAss of a father up and left, she took care of 4 kids all alone and you know, we may not have had a lot of money, but she made sure that we were taken care of. Always had a roof over or head, food on the table and love in our heart. And you know, I could never remember how much a pair of shoes cost, but if you asked me they way I felt when she hugged me--I could tell you.

She asked me last night if when my father left--if I blamed her in any way--

You want to know the answer?

No. I have never blamed my Mom, I blamed myself thinking there was something wrong with me. To this day I still believe that because well my father has no interest in what happens in my life.

For the longest time I thought he would come around and make up for all the times that he wasn't there when I needed him, but now...If he were to come here right now, I would ask him to leave.

I am really pissed at the person who came in here and invaded my space. I don't care who comes in here, because this is a public diary. But you cross the line when you come in here to read things and then tell people about it to make them sad.

I am not mad because you read this stuff and couldn't keep it to yourself. I am mad at the fact that you have my Mother worried sick about me.

I love her with all I have.

I want to continue writing in here, I need to. This is where things that build up on my chest go. Just because I feel like giving up, doesn't mean I will, I am too strong to just roll over and play dead.

Everyone has moments where the world falls at their feet, but there is a reason for that.

If nothing ever fell, there would be nothing to kick out of the way.

That's how I grow up.

This will be my last entry till sometimes on Thursday, if I have the energy to write tomorrow I will, if not...you can be sure to find something on Thursday.

.:In a few short hours.::.I will be outta here:.

See ya 'round.

-Tina-