lc23tina's Diaryland Diary

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*Almost Locked For Good*

*I Was Going To Lock Up And Say Fuck It*

A very strange thing happened today.

I was confronted.

I felt so weird.

I feel so mad and angry and invaded and just plain old scared.

I was at the new place tonight...getting stuff situated all nice and pretty...When my nephew came up and said my Mom wanted to see me.

I went down, I was happy to see her cause it's been a few days since we chatted...

She asked how things were...And then she asked if I wanted to go to her house for a couple of days to "talk"...

I said talk now...we were in her van...

So we talked...

She said she knew what I was writing about in my diary...

And that she was worried because I blame myself for things that I shouldn't...

She wants me to talk to someone...

I don't want to fucking talk...

That's why I write, this is how I deal with things...

And no someone has gone and took that from me!

I don't like this feeling of knowing that someone is checking up on me...

AND I KNOW WHO YOU ARE YOU BASTARD, NOW PLEASE FUCK OFF AND STAY OUT OF MY LIFE.

I LOVE MY MOTHER WITH EVERY THING I HAVE, I DON'T LIKE TO MAKE HER WORRY ABOUT ME...THAT'S WHY I LET HER BELIEVE I AM O.K...DON'T YOU KNOW THAT SHE HAS HAD IT ROUGH AND I DON'T LIKE TO SEE HER LIKE THIS.

YOU HAD NO RIGHT TO DO THAT!

MY MOTHER HAS BEEN THERE THRU THICK AND THIN, SHE HAS ALWAYS DONE HER BEST FOR HER KIDS AND EVERYONE ELSE AROUND...I WOULD GIVE ANYTHING TO BE HALF THE WOMAN THAT SHE IS, WHY DID YOU GO AND DO THAT?

SO IF YOU WANT TO TELL HER SOMETHING TELL HER THIS, THANKS TO YOU I FEEL SO GUILTY, CAUSE NOW SHE THINKS I DON'T WANT TO TALK TO HER, AND TELL HER THAT I LOVE HER MORE THAN ANYTHING IN THE WORLD!

IF YOU REALLY WANT TO TELL SOMEONE SOMETHING--TELL YOURSELF TO FUCK OFF AND BUT OUT! THIS IS NOT OR EVER WILL BE YOUR LIFE!

I am sorry to all my readers that come in here, but this really pissed me off.

I love my Mom.

And I don't want her to worry about me.

But I don't want people coming in here thinking that they have the right to discuss my life with anyone.

What you read here is kept to you I hope, I know I don't go and read people's diary's just to tell someone what happened...

YOU NEED TO GROW UP, NOT FOR ME...BUT FOR YOURSELF.

AND PLEASE DON'T COME IN HERE ANYMORE "YOU" ARE NOT WELCOMED HERE!

I'll have something later...I want to let this message set in here for a bit...to let that person see what they have done.

-Tina-