lc23tina's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- *It Happened. I Hate Being Right* Well you know how I said something would happen? It did. Should I be surprised at this? No. Did I know this would happen? Yes. Am I mad? No. At yourself? Yes, Very. So there you have it. Just like I expected. At least I have a handle on my doubts. I am right 100% of the time. I should feel smart or something. But I don't I feel kinda foolish. This whole day has been shit. Nothing went right. I am glad that in 13 minutes this day will be over. Things happen. Nothing I can do about it, I just wish some information was available to me sooner rather than later, like tonight. I guess I should ask more questions. I am not about to get into the full details. It's between me and them and I don't feel like sharing that right now. I just need to write so I don't smoke so please just bare with me. It's not at all a loss. I am actually gaining something way more important and that would be a solid friendship. I hope. So there is nothing really to be upset about, and yet I still feel like a GOOF. For the record I was NOT in a "safe mode" cause rejection hurts no matter who dishes it out. You know what sucks? When you get up in the morning and your feeling pretty good about the day only to find yourself face first into the floor. When you look at your feet you notice that you tied your shoe laces together. Yup- That sucks alright. Look at that it's friday. I hope today goes better that yesterday. I honestly think that this "dust" was a curse. Who knows maybe the right man hasen't come forth yet. Or the dust didn't travel the same way I wanted it. Do I give up? Hell fucking no! In a nutshell this was yesterday- 1) Plans fucked up. 2) Shower took a fit and soaked me and the floor. 3) Fight with friend. 4) Fight with Craig. 5) Rejection. 6) No smokes 7) Dust turned sour. I am so happy I will never have to live that day over again. I don't think my leaking eyes can take anymore. If ever you are feeling like you're tired And all your uphill struggles leave you headed downhill. If you realize your wildest dreams can hurt you And your appetite for pain has drinken its fill. Just wait And it will come. If you think I've given up on you, you're crazy And if you think that I don't love you, well then you're just wrong. In time you just might take to feeling better Time is the beauty of the road being long. I know that now you feel no consolation But maybe if I told you and informed you out loud I say this without fear of hesitation I can honestly tell you that you make me proud. If anything I might have just said has helped you If anything I might have just said helped you just carry on. Your rise uphill may no longer seem a struggle And your appetite for pain may all but be gone. I hope for you and cannot stop at hoping Until that smile has once again returned to your face. There's no such thing as a failure to those who keep trying. Coasting to the bottom is the only disgrace. I am out for the night. I have the house to myself this weekend. This may be a perfect time to just kick back, relax and enjoy the fucking ride. Night -Tina- P.S. These five words in my head sream, "Are we having fun yet?" *You know what you mean to me, that's all I have to say to you* 11:43 p.m. - 2001-09-06 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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