lc23tina's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- *I'm So Happy I Can't Stop Crying* I'm so happy I can't stop crying. Ok so I lie. I'm just crying...No reason, Just because my eyes feel like leaking. I've just got so much on my mind these days. I can't seem to find that spot that defines a truly happy Tina. Not even sure on what I am supposed to be looking for. I know, a happy Tina (right?) I feel so alone tonight. I hate that feeling, all my friends are out. Why am I the last to know that people wanted to go to the bar tonight? Maybe cause I wasn't invited? Well fuck all you guys, I really hate being left out until you need something from me. I set my self to be this nice comfortable floor mat that people just like to step on, not only step on but they wipe their wet muddy feet all over me too. The only man I want to see broke his finger at work, has plans for the weekend...Whatever! I give up on that too. I feel like I am always the one who wants to see if he (HAS TIME) to hang with me. Another one of those (I'll be there when I need you deals?) I know your reading this and I bet you won't talk to me again. It will be your loss. I don't care anymore, if you can't deal with my feelings. Too bad for you. I am just uder so much stress and pressure right now, I don't know what to think or if I am just taking things the wrong way. Either way I hope your finger gets better. As for this level of un-healthy stress and things that continue to pile up around my feet, my hair is falling out. I mean this is not a few strands but almost hand fulls of my hair just coming out. I do not want to be bald at the age of 23, shit I don't want to be bald anytime in my life. I've got an erie nervousness about me today... I was even feeling all funky when my Sis and her husband Jim were here. I felt like they were watching me and evaluating me, weird huh? I never get like that with people I trust. I think I may be heading back into that shell to protect myself from being hurt, hurt by anyone...Friends, family...EVERYONE. I am just so tired of being alone, I just really want someone who will talk to me and listen. I know I have that, but this issue to trust them makes it hard. Sometimes when I want to share what's on my mind, it seems no one is there to listen or they try and make up my mind for me. I want someone to listen for a change. Without making a comment, without telling me what I am doing wrong or right. Just someone who will listen and give a damn for a change. Listen to me I am ranting. I should have warned you that you were entering TURBO BITCH ZONE! I think I am done bitching for a while. Today I took a trip shopping with my nephew Douglas, we went into a few shops and bought a few things. I bought Wanda a book for her computer stuff, she made me write right on the front cover "Computers for Dummies Vol. 1" I got a chuckle out of that, I also bought her a cow piggy bank figurine for her desk. I wrote on the bottom her nickname "Wanda-Roo" and I dated it...I also put Wanda-Roo on the foot of it... What else did I buy? Oh yeah...I bought a pen and another book for HTML. 2 new nail polishes, both metallic, plutonium plum and galactic green, when I got home I painted my nails the plum color, looks very cool. For dinner I had mini oreo's and a bottle of coke, Yeah I know, nice dinner... I wasn't in the mood to cook. I haven't been in the mood to do anything today, I managed to straighten up the house and fold the clothes...but that's been the extent of it all. I think I am heading off to bed soon, I'm tired... I'll go to bed to start day two of my hiddeously boring weekend. Night. (Please don't get mad at what I wrote Jay, I'm just a big ball of confusion) -Tina- ***Oh and Hello Shelly (my cousin) sign the damned guestbook!** 12:01 a.m. - 2001-10-06 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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