lc23tina's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Dreams I want to see. Sorry for the lack or real updates, but this cold has been kicking my butt. I didn't find any creative way to get out of work, so I just went in and made the best out of it. I was supposed to go in today, but I was just called. The job we have to run still isn't at the shop, so it's been pushed to tomorrow. That's better for me anyways. Gives me another day to rest and try to get this cold outta me. I honestly didn't want to go into work today. I had a really rough night sleeping. I was fine until I settled into my bed and my mind started racing. It's Feburary 20th. That's what popped into my head. I would have been approx. 5 months pregnant now. Then I started thinking more. It eventually led to tears, and me holding on to the only thing I have left of my baby, a bear. Then I started thinking about why on earth has my life dealt me so much trouble. Again, I fell into that state of depression. Blaming myself for the things I had no control over and the things I did have control over. I fell asleep about 5 a.m. I woke up, and I knew I was crying, my pillow was wet, I must have been crying in my sleep. I had a dream. I was standing in a hospital, looking down a long hallway. There were doctors and nurses all around, very loud and busy. I kept hearing people tell me that I just had a baby boy. I couldn't see anything, and every time I took a step closer another person was in my way. I started screaming. I said "you can't keep him, he's mine". That's when I woke up. I can tell it's going to be a rough day already. -Tina 2:15 p.m. - 2003-02-20 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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