lc23tina's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- ...Sigh... As you can see my diary is going thru some changes. Unwanted, but changes non the less. Tonight I decided to hook R@SE up with a new and improved template. (Even if she only updates once a friggin year) I do have to say, it turned out great. Instead of making the change to her diary, like a dummy, I changed mine instead. So, I had to change this one back and then go fix hers. Oh what a night. I'm just getting too tired to deal with HTML to create something for myself. That will have to wait. My throat is starting to feel a little bit better. I haven't been hacking too much today, and I haven't had a bloody nose. Now, I have a plugged up ear. I've always had this thing about my ears, I hate it when they get plugged, either with water or wax or a potatoe. It's drive me insane. I looked on the net for cures, and nothing I have tried even remotley worked. I am stuck with a plugged ear that smells like fresh lemons. I'm hoping it clears up for tomorrow. Speaking of tomorrow, it's the day I have been freaking out about the past week. It's the memorial for Shane. I'm scared that if I start crying I might not be able to stop. I wouldn't be able to stand all those people looking at me while I have a hissy tear fit. I'm scared. I've been wondering if I should see someone, like a counsellor or something. I'm not sure if it's healthy to be this down in the dumps. I know I have had a rough stint with bad luck, but, I'm freaking myself out. I don't know how I am supposed to be feeling 4 months after my miscarriage. I know many people who have had a miscarriage and their lives aren't consumed by it. Most of them eventually having more children that survived. But, I don't know if that's ever going to be me. John and I are both pretty sure that we aren't going to try for another baby. We've even went as far as talking about the option of him getting fixed. He blames himself for having a muscle disorder, that hasen't affected him in any way, but could be passed on to his children. I'm scared that it was me all along and I did something wrong throughout the pregnancy. It's not like we will ever know the actual cause either. *sigh* I think I am off to bed, I have to get up early and get some laundry done. If you have it in you, say a little prayer for John, Shane and I. We're going to need it today. -Tina 1:51 p.m. - 04.27.03 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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